paopaorox's Xanga

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Thu, 28 Dec 2006 19:03:53 GMT

flying off to LA in 8 hours but....

i'm coughing my liver out (AGAIN wtf???)

and i can't sleep coz i'm fucking wheezing..

quickly went to check the internet for some remedy on wheezing..

"If wheezing is severe or is accompanied by severe shortness of breath, you may have to go directly to the nearest emergency department.," says the website.

ok, just lemme call 911...

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 01:47:02 GMT

a bucket of stress and tension soon to be released

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 11:21:43 GMT

I'm back...BIGGER and (not) BETTER

it's very quiet and lonely today

but i guess there's a first to everything

felt that i didn't improve this whole year

mebbe tt's y this year there's no reason to celebrate

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 16:47:53 GMT

end of exams baby.......INTENSE CHILLING involving my fave darling stella ho, killer boots, stanley beach, rib eye steak, 'steamed milk' n beef innards at causeway bay. dis is the first day in ONE WHOLE FRIKKIN YEAR i actually felt like i'm living life! pls call me at the toll free number, 1800-chilling-hos, to participate in this massive chilling event

chubby cheeks is in ok?

s. ho n pao

stella my darling n her super cool fringe. thanks for cutting my hair when we were in singapore! ahhaha...

god you're so lovely...so graceful... so so beauuuu-tee-fulllll

we saw this really cute guy pass by...stunned...

stella's 'artistic take' of the merry house, stanley beach

the wonders of a good mascara..unbelievable!

leather boot 'hos

supermassive s.ho, u're an amazing senior n i love u!!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 20:55:21 GMT

last one to go in 4 hours time.

den it'll be de end of my misery n de start of some INTENSE CHILLING...

intense chilling part 1: stanley beach

going to the beach at night in de midst of a typhoon in boots... *gush*

Monday, October 30, 2006

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 10:50:48 GMT

found 2 surprises today waiting for a zombie-fied pao..

felt excitement tingling in my toes when i received the notice to collect 2 parcels from singapore n malaysia.

thx so much toe n jan..

i will not let u guys down.. de pao in me might have disappeared for a while, but it will make a comeback...

toe- i promise to get back 'de passion, de determination n de smile' soon. i'm wearing the clinique perfume to remind me how lucky i am to have u.

jan- how did u know i love jessica alba n shin chan?

i love u guys. i will work hard n make u guys proud. n u will be proud.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 22:22:52 GMT

international school students doing Singlish.

god i miss that accent.

*video stolen from toe's blog

sidenote: can't wait for thursday to come. after my blardy probabilistic models n psycho exams i'm gonna be seeking some intense chilling sessions. INTENSE CHILLING, u hear me?

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 21:30:52 GMT

i dunno how to say this. but i think i've snapped out of whatever depression i'm having. and i dun exactly how to let this out without having it sound like a joke. but i think i've reached some sort of enlightenment just half an hour ago, after finishing the last episode of '24' season 5.

i'm still in awe. this feeling gushing out of me together with my tears. no, i wasn't crying coz jack bauer didn't get his happy ending. i was crying because of i've been missing out on so many things that has been staring at me in the face.

all these while i have been unhappy about almost everything. whining and complaining all the time. i wasn't satisfied and i felt like nothing's gonna assuage my thirst, ever. i jz couldn't figure out wad de hell is wrong with me. y was i so unmotivated to do anything. n y de hell was everyone else still going strong, doing wadeva needs to be done even if it's hard and it's not their interest. i was deranged! i just couldn't find anything to keep me going.

until now. i've found it. i was so deluded that i couldn't see the single most important thing that mattered and would keep me going.

i won't spell it out in words what that thing is because it sounds so cheesy coming from me (or anyone else for that matter) but i think u know what 'it' is.

what i know for sure is this: i don't need to do anything to earn 'it'. because i already have 'it'.

i dun have this burden anymore. because i know that i can still come back home at the end of the day, failure and all, and still be embraced with warmth, because i have 'it'.

i dun think i've ever had such a crystal-clear moment in my life.

now i do.

because i think i have a pretty good idea how it feels like, not to have 'it'-n it's not pretty.

credits to jacqueline for lending me '24' season 5. i know it wasn't intentional- but u just might have contributed to this pivotal moment in my life. (god this is so cheesy)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 17:09:10 GMT

god life is so hard

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 20:12:36 GMT

MAYBE, BABY

maybe i shouldn't diagnose it as insomnia yet. maybe it's a good thing. i'm still as sleepy as ever even if i've had at least 9 hours of sleep. might as well be awake n do something right?

been looking at my friends' pictures since 4am. all these power gals have grown into beautiful strong confident women. felt inspired for a while. can't ignore the nudging feeling that i have been left behind in this 'race' though. blame it on my stunted passion. have i totally lost that passion? something tells me it's still in me.

maybe it was the environment that has doused this fire. maybe i have given in to the consuming abyss of failure. maybe it's jz that i'm someone who needs a little push?maybe a little push isn't enough.

maybe, maybe's not the way to go about it. conviction, maybe? no more maybes.

conviction. full stop.

conviction about what though? conviction that my inferiority is chaining me. to the bottom of the sea, gasping for air. always gasping. never able to inhale n take in one full breath. try as i might, i couldn't swim to the top and break the surface. for a glimpse of what's above. always a blurry, watery vision of what's outside n above.

am i strong enough n disciplined enough to render Inferiority's grasp around my feet to loosen? am i smart enough to realize that it is not other people i have to beat?

maybe, i am Inferiority n i am my own worst enemy.

beat my own laziness. my carelessness. my dependence. my cowardice. my pettiness. my tactlessness.

maybe?

conviction. full stop.